Depressed!, by egyptian_girl Subscribe to rss feed for egyptian_girl

here's a poem i wrote when i ws depressed one day last 
year... i know it's not tht good but anyways it just 
showed my feelings durin tht time

I'm not feeling well
knowing tht i'm in a hell
of problems and tears
but also worries or fears

sometimes when i sit there lonely
i keep thinking about people who're phony
who build a life of their own
and never worry or moan

Posted: 2006-01-08 21:52:06 UTC

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2006-01-09 11:52:52Sylvian
There is one such thing as taking rhymes too far... I would rather ditch the rhymes, seeing that they diminish the poetic value of the poem and I would most definetly try to get some rythm into it...

2006-01-09 23:44:41love nothing >>--
i thynk rhyming makes it better..but i lyke it

2006-01-11 00:54:31~JaLeEsA lOvEs PoLkA dOtS~
erm...it kinda sounds like a little high school girl poem...or like a dr. suess book...ham...sam...I am...get it?

2006-01-14 21:00:36so_close_but_yetso_far
ummmmm. How can I put it? Your very new 2 this aren't you. You need to get a little darker. its to simple, you need a little more practice, like Jaleesa says. This is constuctive critisisim, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. luv sasha xxx

2006-02-10 16:53:39 ~~~~GLOSTARG~~~~
Hi there I read this and get a visual of your poem making a good rap song! could that be feasable for you? I think poetry is alot of the soul within. yes I know therte is proper methods of writing poetry form and such but always never forget the soul within . ok? good job! blessings glostarg

2006-09-25 08:24:48User
Totally agree with Sylvian..rhyming is not a necessity and sometimes it ruins the poem..I don't think the poem shows any depression..and probablt because it rhymes for the sake of rhyming only..

2006-09-25 08:25:04User
Totally agree with Sylvian..rhyming is not a necessity and sometimes it ruins the poem..I don't think the poem shows any depression..and probablu because it rhymes for the sake of rhyming only..