Posted: 2005-10-02 10:53:06 UTC
Everywhere I look,
I can see your eyes,
So bright,
Lighting up my soul,
Dark circles,
taken ova,
From sleepless nights.

From drugs,
From fags,

So dark,
So sinister,
Like a zombie,
but sum1 cracks a joke,
U put on ure front,
And u laugh,
but I can see da pain,
no1 else can tho,

But I'm your biggest fan,
I luv ya,
And I put on dat front 2,
but inside I wana die,
just like u.

©sasha buonasorte 2005
this song, like da overs is about my love, plz read da overs, and I rlly need sum tips 2 get him 2 like me.


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2005-10-07 04:54:30ill haven
hmm, do you mind proofreading? hope not. ^_^ Everywhere I look, I can see your eyes, So bright, Lighting up my soul, Dark circles, taken ova, From sleepless nights. From drugs, From fags, So dark, So sinister, Like a zombie, but someone cracks a joke, You put on your front, And you laugh, but I can see the pain, no one else can though, But I'm your biggest fan, I love you, And I put on that front too, but inside I want to die, just like you. You use a lot of unnecessary commas, though I strongly doubt you give your poems more than a cursory glance before posting them.

2005-10-15 07:10:20Don't build lies on ice cubes.
I'm responding to your comment on my poem. With some poetry, the meaning is not always on the surface- its a poem about two different forms of intimacy and holding one back to stop yourself getting hurt. And did you bother to read any of my other poems before commenting- that one is not in my usual style. I think people should be constructive in comments. And obviously you write differently to me, maybe you should try writing in a different style to see what its like? On this poem since I'm here, parts of it are good but I think it would be better if in standard English, im not a fan of abbreviating words unneccessarily.