On October 18-19 2003, i gave my heart to the lord at acquire the fire in Ottawa. I remember that night like it was yesterday, although dont ask what went on at the stadium because that is a blurr, the only thing about that weekend was the night i gave my heart to the lord, i was with the youth group and when i did, I got a hug from Val, from Dan, from Ann and Beth and probably alot more people than that. The decision i made that night would impact my life forever from that day and although my teenage years were some of the worst ones, i guess that was part of my decision to follow christ was that i was so sick of the nonsense that went on around me and god was the only way i could release myself from that. Since my dad died in 2002, my faith has had alot of low points, the points that i needed god the most were the points in my life that i wasnt really following him the way i should have been. As a 16-17 year old teenager, I got introduced into drinking coolers, I now crave an occasional grape smirnoff, I do regret every time i have a drink or even a sip because i made a vow to myself that i would never drink alcohol in my life. My life is one big faith filled rollercoaster, sometimes in my faith just so free and other times i feel like it is so hard to be a christian girl in my own house. I feel it is hard because a certain sibling has different views than i do. Which basically tells me to keep my mouth shut. I am now 18, and my fire is only burning slightly rather than quite high. So basically my faith is needed to be build back up again. I am trying to read my bible whenever i can, but each day it is so hard to just sit down and read it, instead i play video games or go on the computer. I know that with each time i am struggling with my faith that i need to work through it and pray about it, give it to god. There were a few weeks that i did not attend care group which is not like me at all, Caregroup is just a tiem that i can spend with fellow christians, reading the word of god and praying and talking about things that are of concern for us or having praise notes. Despite not being a "pick me" "pick me" christian, I like to soak in what i have been learning. When i come to church each sunday, there are usually a few people that can tell if its a good sunday or a bad sunday. Which is good, because sometimes i just need those type of people. Each time i went to ATF i learned something new. I think i just need another "wipe clean of my slate" and start new, or like at acquire the fire in indianapolis, i need a garbage truck to come so i can throw things out that are hindering my walk with god. For me in my daily walk with god it is a daily struggle because there are times that the world gets in my way and i dont read my bible at all. I am not saying that having a sip or two of alcohol is really the worst thing in the world, i am saying for that i am afraid that if i were to drink more than a few sips it would turn into way to many bottles of coolers.
I think from this day forward i will be able to say, father forgive me, for i have sinned and fallen short of the glory of god, father please forgive me for the things that i have let hinder my relationship with you. I pray from this day forward that you would teach me new things each time i open up your word and that you would speak to me in so many different aspects of my bible reading or give me the words to speak to others that may need my help.
Father reveal yourself to me in a deep way. Give me strength to be bold for you. Help me not to tear myself down. When i tear myself down i have to try and build myself back up. Lord, you have engraved in my mind that verse that has helped me through so much, which is ephesians 2:10 "For we are god's masterpiece, he has created us anew in christ jesus, that we may do the good things he planned for us long ago." Thank you Lord.
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