Heaven's Gates, by Felicia
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Her heart so full of pain and grief
Longs to break free from this prison called life
She has a everlasting longing for things that will never be
Her tears like a river stream down her face
Her eye lids are heavy she knows it is the end
Heaven's gates open for her tattered and broken sole |
| Posted: 2007-05-31 01:02:03 UTC |
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| 2007-05-30 21:21:19 | Angel of Music |
| very good. if you don't mind some constructive critism, this sounds mor like the closing line to a poem rather than a poem in itself. but good job. |
| 2007-05-31 00:10:21 | Felicia |
| Yes i know i need to be adding more to them there just rough idea any way so how is tis one better? oh and i love criticism it helps me to be better |
| 2007-06-05 14:38:59 | liberty moon |
| i still like it... thanx for ur comment |
| 2007-06-19 05:42:13 | User |
| This is short and nice but for some reasons I kind of agree with Angel of Music..maybe you can write a few more lines after the 1st or 2nd line e.g. the things she has been through in life, what makes her have to choose this path and maybe also how maybe add some imagery on how she ascends to Heaven's Gate or something like that..its just my opinion lol..I hope it makes sense to you.. |