calories consume your soul
no matter what you do
you can never reach your goal.
and you are dying to be perfect
you are dying for something that isn't real
its such a scary thing
to watch youself lose control.

you think you're in the lead
and you think it's going good
the second you turn around
that porkchop makes you gain 3 pounds.
and it was jsut three more pounds till im happy
three more pounds and i win
three more pounds and i've done it
i've made myself become thin.

you walk in fear of the numbers
and you shy away from mirrors
you hide your face at lunchtime
from the judgement of your peers.
and you say im not eating
well thats not the case
i just cant eat this here,
infront of your leering face.

the scale is the enemy
and the mirror is a traitor
but worst of all is the girl inside
the one true hater.
and the voices that come at night
or whisper in your ear
as soon as you reach for crisps or bacon
the paralizing fear.

the purging and the hiding, the lying and the pain
its something that i wish to god
i never let myself become this insane.
the guilt from everything
is starting to wear me thin
haha, if only that were the case.
if this were to be a game
it's a game that one can never ever win.


xoxo
Ellie J