The......boy?

My childhood is a photo album of forgotten memories I picture the happy family we once were Then a string of cleverly put together jealousys Made me question where my loyalties were First drag A stick of cancer hanging from my mouth Number 1 remedy for a woeful sigh But the sigh wells up and leaves my mouth Is it boys or men who don't cry? Second Drag, first sip A bottle of alcohol, a packet of fags Maybe i'm just in one of life's bends Some people cursed poisonous words like "Fag" A spread word lost me alot of...friends Third drag, second sip, first pain I know that the alcohols bad for me But who takes advice with no care for themselves? It i wasn't so blind i'd surely see That baggage becomes too heavy and breaks the shelves Stamp out, throw away, grimace Another cramp, why so stupid? When i know i bring things on myself I push those special ones away, why so stupid? Why should I moan when i have my health? On the edge? Literally, i look down wondering the height But i am tied by a rope, an emotional one The kind that gets you through the night To my left is the tangerine setting sun Brush aside the hair Shouldn't hide behind a mask anymore But i feel like i'm caught in a box An internal prison without a door I watch age tick away on the clocks Car returns home Wish i could drive it, far away from here Wish i could get out, dream, Japan The vision I hold is in my mind so clear But is it one of those foolish childhood plans? Go back inside Back to my supposed retreat To my friends, some with decietful reason Others or themselves they're trying to beat? Because everyone has their inner demons