Judgements of affection

To many people judge me because i dont show or cant show affection one day in tears i wrote this. You ask me my thoughts but i can only tell u for a moment, it seems as if my mind drifts away while my body heart and soul stays, stuck trap in the last thought that i thought. You ask me to be a leader, but what shall i lead my feet move but my body stays in the spot it las moved to. You ask me to stay strong, but i am weakend everyday morning the missing puzzle that can seal my broken heart. You say you understand but it feels as if i stand alone in the last place i stood. Now i stand drowning in the many sorrows and castatrophies my body encountered since God chose me to walk the awful land we call home. You ask me to be humble and i do as you ask for that is all my body has known since i have became numb to the many stressful events that has taken place in the olympics of thoughts. my mind turns and spins until i end up and the same spot i was in before the light ,darkness. Ask me to hug me i may say no. ask me to hug you and ill wrap my arms around you showing affectionate love that i never once felt before. A kiss, a hug and simple love making i dont understand, for affection became my enemy when i stood where i stood before, in the arms of affection that ended in war.Dont judge me for you do not understand how it felt to become a woman but confused by a man. If a hug is warm and a kiss is right why is it constant tears i fight? seeing me you wont understand until you stand. In the spot i stand Q.P LOYALTY