my notions?

there was a time when the first thing i thought of was HER. there was a time when every song on the radio was dedicated to HER. there was a time when i would have died for HER and answered everything she asked of me... i was willing to go that far. things have changed.... and i have moved on. i realize i don't need to be stuck in the past... dwelling in my "what ifs" are holding me back to find someone better. what i want now is to think whithout thinking of HER, to sleep and not dream of HER, to breathe and the reason not be her HER. i don't need HER. i don't need these feelings for HER. and i will move on... i have moved on. things have changed. it still hurts... she didn't choose me, but even if she could she wouldn't. so i don't have her, but i have her. she is still my bestfriend, and although we no longer talk like we use to and we no longer laugh like we use to... we will remain friends, untill the time comes to say good-bye. it is funny, now that i think about it, now that i see what others see, now that i have come a step closer to finding the real me.... how my love for her has changed. i am honestly glad it has changed. yes... i do wish that i had never said anything and if i could take everything back... i would. not because it would ease my pain but because i would be able to keep what we had then and have somehow managed to loose now.... our talks, our laughs, our silent moments, our afternoon naps, our comfort of being there for eachother and not feeling that it is ackward.... we lost the "best" in bestfriends. or did we? maybe it is just to soon to say... maybe we are just tired and no longer know what to say... maybe things have changed. a break is what is needed. i have moved on... moved on to find someone who can probably care for me as i do them... maybe they are not in my life at the moment... maybe they are someone in the past.... but at this very moment i am happy (sort of) where i am at. i hate stand stills... and i have created one by devoting my heart to one who does not return hers... and so i take mine back and will move this part of my world that had stopped turning for so long. no more questions... no more dwelling... no more hopeing and wishing that one day she will feel the same... it is apparent she never will. you say you understand my notions? you cann't, because they are just that... MY notions. but thanks for tring to see, for trying to understand, for being there for me.... but you have won a game that never even existed... your prize is SHE. but wait... i do have two questions her HER. why did you have to poke and not just let it be? did you ever or could you ever feel the same for me?