there was a time when the first thing i thought of was HER.
there was a time when every song on the radio was 
dedicated to HER.
there was a time when i would have died for HER and 
answered everything she asked of me... i was willing to go 
that far.

things have changed.... and i have moved on.
i realize i don't need to be stuck in the past... dwelling 
in my "what ifs" are holding me back to find someone 
better. what i want now is to think whithout thinking of 
HER, to sleep and not dream of HER, to breathe and the 
reason not be her HER. i don't need HER. i don't need 
these feelings for HER. and i will move on... i have moved 
on.

things have changed. it still hurts... she didn't choose 
me, but even if she could she wouldn't. so i don't have 
her, but i have her. she is still my bestfriend, and 
although we no longer talk like we use to and we no longer 
laugh like we use to... we will remain friends, untill the 
time comes to say good-bye.

it is funny, now that i think about it, now that i see 
what others see, now that i have come a step closer to 
finding the real me.... how my love for her has changed. i 
am honestly glad it has changed. yes... i do wish that i 
had never said anything and if i could take everything 
back... i would. not because it would ease my pain but 
because i would be able to keep what we had then and have 
somehow managed to loose now.... our talks, our laughs, 
our silent moments, our afternoon naps, our comfort of 
being there for eachother and not feeling that it is 
ackward.... we lost the "best" in bestfriends. or did we? 
maybe it is just to soon to say... maybe we are just tired 
and no longer know what to say... maybe things have 
changed. a break is what is needed. 

i have moved on... moved on to find someone who can 
probably care for me as i do them... maybe they are not in 
my life at the moment... maybe they are someone in the 
past.... but at this very moment i am happy (sort of) 
where i am at. i hate stand stills... and i have created 
one by devoting my heart to one who does not return 
hers... and so i take mine back and will move this part of 
my world that had stopped turning for so long. no more 
questions... no more dwelling... no more hopeing and 
wishing that one day she will feel the same... it is 
apparent she never will.

you say you understand my notions?
you cann't, because they are just that... MY notions.
but thanks for tring to see, for trying to understand, for 
being there for me.... but you have won a game that never 
even existed... your prize is SHE.

but wait... i do have two questions her HER. 
why did you have to poke and not just let it be?
did you ever or could you ever feel the same for me?