My Darkest Days

I fall down this never ending abyss of sadness and depression, falling farther and farther until the darkness swallows me whole. I cope with bad habits; smoking drinking, cutting. It never helps, only temporarily eases the cold hard pain. My meds don't help, I'm losing my friends, my grades are slipping. Everything good I've built in my life is now crumbling to pieces. But what am I to do? All I can do is sit back and ride it out, hoping that in the end everything will all be okay. But I'm not okay. I haven't been for quite a long time. I hide my hurt behind a mask of false smiles. The only pleasure I gain is from self-destructive behavior or throwing myself at those who will only use me. So in these darkest days of mine I sit and wonder, who would ever want a sad and lonely life like mine?