Thought, Unabridged

“You’re quiet” … This means more than you know more than I’ll tell you. More than I’ll admit. To myself. To others. My pain bellows silence. I have blue hair blue eyes yet remain invisible dead inside My thoughts spin a web of insanity around my head suspended just out of reach I want to scream and cry and tell you how it feels but it doesnt Years of subjugation initiation proliferation I can’t write speak think communicate to myself to others I am disorder I am confusion I am the fog and the worm at the edge of your eye. You may see me, for a moment Watch me carefully do not disturb. BECAUSE I AM NEUROTIC MY THOUGHTS, LIKE LEMMINGS TUMBLE FROM MY MIND CAUGHT IN ENDLESS SUICIDE because I am scared of you of me not being enough not being enough I fear and crave tranquility the chaos feels so familiar and yet it fleets from me because I told it to because I told you, too. I stray and I stay Caught between inaction and movement Indecisive ambidextrous obsessive inconclusive unfinished. I am in limbo. I am in purgatory.