i cant see which way is north 

i am spinning 
twirling
shifting in a kaleidoscope 
or a snowstorm 
or whatever analogy makes me sound the most articulate

and it is clear
clearer than the fucking sky in august
north is right there

but my head is still a kaleidoscope
or a snowstorm
and it doesnt want me to see
it is clouding my vision
and placing words on my tongue instead that say

go south.
venture deeper into the darkness

and god it is so tempting because the path is so clear and
predictable and darkness is like the ocean it is so vast and
beautiful and deadly and inviting and



please dont let me go south.