Pretending To Know

What is beauty? Is it when we lust? When we learn the subtle meaning of love? Who knows anymore, the difference between the dark deeds of lust and the powerful soulmates? I'll never find my way out of these confusing woods. Of this thoughtlessly planned maze. No way out. No escape from my feelings, no escape from the blanket. Is this what death feels like? Running, but you can't breathe? I'm suffocating in my own world. Drowning in the earth. Burning in the ice. Killing myself slowly with this hatred. My heart beats towards its suicide, my lungs creep to their death. My brain lunges ahead to its utter annhilation. But do I stop? There is no rest for the weary traveler such as I. There is no sleep for the dreamer that hates waking up to the sun and moon. I am human. My instinct is proven to make me adapt to my pain. Make my heart ignore the tears and breaks. Keep going for the survival of all. How futile this life is! How depressing my life is. How happy are you? Is your soul beautiful? Can you love yourself? Can you forgive the stranger in your skin? Can you look in the mirror and smile at your heart? I can hate myself. I can love the stranger for being cruel. I can look in the mirror and grimace at the darkness. I can paint a mask on me, gentle soft weak me. I can wear a sword on my belt and a shield on my arm. I can pretend to be a warrior. I can pretend to know beauty. I can pretend to know love. I can pretend to understand the deeds done by lust. But do I? Do you?