To Be Alive

There was a time when I felt Alive Even when it seemed my life was bottoming out I felt Alive. I felt alive even when my heartand spirit didn't feel connected to Her. I knew as long as I still had life in my body I could pull myself up and out of whatever I was going through. I tried to hold on to my my love of myself, of life. To turn myself back on, get back in tune, back in step, put myself back together. keep on going, because I still felt Alive. But something happened that rocked my world, my life. What I had done so many times before didn't work this time. Curcumstances and events I could've never imagined happening to me. Now it's a life of sickness, lonliness, anger and disgust. Im tired of fighting for scraps of a life. I tell her, You really don't want to leave me with just this, do you? I've been through too much already. When's everything going to be just fine again inspite of any obstacles? The sparks gone, along with my zest for life. I don't feel Alive anymore. My hopes and dreams sabatoged. Why were my gifts and rewards taken from me? I would inquire into this if I still felt Alive