Modern Celebrity

A teenage ball boy hit the big time today, when he showed his individualism on centre court. Fifteen year old Ivor Ball took the sporting world by storm when he rolled a comedy ball at the number one seed Ade Ace. Although at first site the ball appeared genuine, as the player struck to serve, it virtually disintegrated. Ade Ace is well known for his powerful serves, but even he admitted, he had never made a ball shatter. Ivor then went on to show his various slogan t-shirts during the players break of serves. Ivor continued to make centre court fall about with laughter with various pranks. At one stage of the charity match, Ade Ace placed his chair on the lawn, and sat to watch the comedy show. Ivor who said later, ‘my grandma died recently and I was just trying to lighten things up. People are too serious all the time. My grandma loved to laugh. I was doing it for her.’ Two days later. Grandma Ball’s street parties. The British public have taken Ivor Ball and his beloved Grandma to their hearts. There were street parties, with laughter, comedy and community gathering. Ivor’s local street party was situated at Grandma’s favourite Bingo hall. Flowers were then taken in mass to the cemetery where she now lay. Simultaneously. Somewhere else in celebrity madness. Ivor Ball t-shirts were hot off the press today and packaged ready for mailing to thousands of pre ordered customers. The t-shirts with I love Grandma and Go sport Go; have been printed in their hundreds with thousands more left to print. Ivor’s uncle back with the family after a ten year break said, ‘I am very proud of Ivor.’ The uncle wore a yellow I love Grandma t-shirts and went to the cemetery to pay his respects to his mother. Hundreds queue for t-shirts. With early Christmas presents in mind hundreds of people braved the weather for a piece of history. The t-shirts, sponsored by The Daily Prophet, and available now in three colours, with an additional logo, Ivor for Prime Minister, are selling faster than they can be printed. Ivor’s dad, who has been separated from his wife for 15 years, and is trying to rekindle their relationship, is running the mailing side of the t-shirts. Simultaneously Transplanting of bad taste. My family Ivor accompanied by a long lost cousin, said to our reporter how nice it was to have so many of his family around to help him. He said, ‘I expected to be lonely when Grandma passed but with my family back together I don’t have to worry anymore.’ A rival newspaper The Daily Shrewd The fifteen year old ball boy, who was propelled into the limelight, after his comedy antics, was last night signing his book at a top national nightclub. Ivor who was accompanied by his cousin, uncle and father looked bewildered and tired. He was later ushered away by the club bouncers as it was his time for bed, while his family members partied into the night. The fifteen year old told our reporter that he felt like he was in a whirlwind. Ivor who has an appearance on Good morning breakfast on Tuesday and appears on The Later Programme, (which has been moved to the earlier time of 8 o’clock, due to its live coverage and rules on children,) is an example of modern cultures obsession with no talent celebrities. Ivor is a nice enough boy and is comical but simply doesn’t have the wit and wisdom to continue the fast moving pace of public opinion. Merchandise Ivor Ball’s family were cashing in on his fame today when they announced the launch of a host of merchandise with Ivor’s face on them. The Daily Shrewd The modern nonsense of celebrity life seems to have damaged the comical ball boy. Ivor looked weary as he left the family home today. He was decked out from head to foot in the family’s merchandise. The notoriety of recent fame appears to have aged the boy by ten years. The uncensored celebrity status has delved into every aspect of this boy’s life. Although he now has family surrounding him he seems uneasy with the trials and tribulations which have been played out in public. Sleaze Uncle arrested over allegations of fraud. Ivor Ball’s uncle is due to appear in court tomorrow after he was picked up by police for illegally profiting from The Daily Prophet’s t-shirts. The newspaper that sponsored the t-shirts with I love Gran and other logos, were said tonight to be angry at the deceit. A spokesperson from the paper said, ‘we have done a lot for the Ball family and are upset by their dishonesty. The return Ivor Ball was invited to centre court for a charity match that is played next Sunday. Disposable Celebrity Ivor’s antics didn’t match his initial performance on centre court. The fans said Ivor had obviously been misinformed and had been given material that wasn’t funny. A man in his 30’s said, ‘Ivor should ditch that family of his, they have changed the boy.’ The Daily Shrewd The throw away society has extended to gold fish bowl modern celebrity this week, when it claimed the fame of the ball boy. Ivor was told he would not be required at next week’s awards. Like a blunt razor he has been disposed of. Last week he was on the cutting edge of fame, this week propelled out of the lime light. Sleaze Ball’s dad was said to have returned to his mistress, he told reporters, ‘it just wasn’t working out.’ Ivor’s uncle was said to have missed his bail hearing and disappeared, police are now searching for him.