A time once before in a little girls life, 
Made her want to reach for a knife.
The pain she felt the tears she'd cry,
I wonder why sometimes she didnt die?

This pain still lives with her everyday?
Why does she stay?
She ends up fighting each and everyday.
The Mental struggle within,
She is so very strong for not giving in.

This girl has the pain of post traumatic stress disorder,
so she re-lives it everyday but yet, her life is still
somewhat in order.
She spent years trying to find who she was,
And she never once paused.
She never gave up on what was important to her,
Even though she internalised so much anger.

Now she is a young adult,
still looking for the same result.
But know she wonders if she is doing what she was made for,
Wondering if god wanted her to be this 'mentor'.

You see at a young twenty-one,
There is alot she has done.
She has this compassion and this drive,
To want everything to be alright.

Perhaps it was the pain she went through,
but for some reason she protects and she rescues.
She looks after her 2 year brother and her 12 year old
sister,
She is their carer.
She had to prove to everyone just how 'together' she was,
but there was just one clause;

It will be hard they said,
you will have to deal with the guy who abused you for
years,
You will need to set aside all your fears.
These children will need to be your life,
And you need to keep them out of strife.

You need to move to a place where he cannot find you,
you need to watch everything that you do.
You need to expect the 12 year old to treat you like shit,
And you musn't expect and thanks or any credit.

This young woman know had a reason to live,
And this reason was massive.
She was made for family,
No wonder she was a puzzled child, but know can see.

What a hard task for someone like her,
Being traumatised by some children with so much anger.
All she hopes is that one day it will pay,
All the effort she put in, all the times she'd just stayed.

She was never willing to give in,
she could never fully understand, but she kept that within.
all she knew was that her 12 year old sister put up this
fight,
Swore at her, called her names- even still she wanted
everything for her to be alright.

its not so easy to be raised by your sister you see,
I dont understand this, becuase this young woman--its me.
I took her hoping for her a better life,
and sometimes i feel like im being stabbed in the back with
a knife.

she is so cruel sometimes and reminds me much of her
father,
but still i will not give up i think its her 'armour'.
she wants to see if i will give in,
wants to see if ill treat her like rubbsih in the bin.
you see she has been in and out of foster homes,
being treated like a recyable accessorie tied to certain
sydromes.

Told that sorry but they couldnt have her any more becuase
she is a certain way,
Or that they struggled to get through each day.
And i know it can be like that,
i will never let her go no matter where we are at.

so know i am a scared little girl again hoping i did the
right thing,
hoping that one day she will give in.
And realise that no matter what i am here to stay,
i will be here each and everyday!