On A Beach In California

On a beach in California I sit Compulsory ruminations swim in my head. Relaxation, they said would cure the nerves Miles away all I hear: Her Her Her Eyes legs, body, face, hair, hips Swirl in my orbits tantalizing They said I should cure, Best being seeing healthy of mind. On a beach in California the twilight of my discontent looms I wept, forlorn tears devoid of consummation Death seemed at my door I awoke to sunshine one morning I welcome I accept On a beach in California I write, not sad laments, not swansongs of despair Oh sure, I still chase the everfading green light Not with hope, Not with sadness I am there I am here She is here She is there what I have now no consummation is yet worth breaking The sun rose then, On that beach in California awaking vivid sensations of renewal rather fitting for someone whom the darkest path tempted I awoke then, bathed in brine, borne anew on wings will they see Will they accept? Once before they said I had changed. A shell they said, She apologized politeness and caring aren't hard to unmask No matter, I arise now: my former cross accepted as one of kindness On that beach in California, so few hours before my return, I awoke from a never-ending autumn The winter of my discontent having passed not so long ago Awoke I did, a new man, accepting, adoring, caring Still chasing the light Passively, so as not to disturb others That I cannot let go Changed I am For the better? She will decide