On a beach in California I sit
Compulsory ruminations swim in my head.
Relaxation, they said would cure the nerves
Miles away all I hear: 
Her
Her
Her 
Eyes legs, body, face, hair, hips
Swirl in my orbits tantalizing
They said I should cure, Best being
seeing healthy of mind.

On a beach in California the twilight of my discontent
looms
I wept, forlorn tears devoid of consummation
Death seemed at my door
I awoke to sunshine one morning
I welcome
I accept

On a beach in California I write,
not sad laments, not swansongs of despair
Oh sure, I still chase the everfading
green light
Not with hope, 
Not with sadness
I am there
I am here
She is here
She is there
what I have now no consummation is yet worth breaking

The sun rose then, On that beach in California
awaking vivid sensations of renewal
rather fitting for someone whom the darkest path tempted
I awoke then, bathed in brine, borne anew
on wings
will they see
Will they accept?

Once before they said I had changed.
A shell they said, She apologized
politeness and caring aren't hard to unmask
No matter, I arise now: my former cross accepted
as one of kindness

On that beach in California, so few hours before my return,

I awoke from a never-ending autumn
The winter of my discontent having passed not so long ago
Awoke I did, a new man, accepting, adoring, caring
Still chasing the light
Passively, so as not to disturb others
That I cannot let go
Changed I am
For the better?
She will decide