Your Sunshine

Has it ever crossed your mind? That I might be hiding some pain? Beneath that exterior of smiles- Or have you ever suspected, That I may not be as hardy as I seem (more vulnerable than I appear) That I am only strong on the surface? Have you ever wondered? Where all my strength comes from? How I wake up with a smile each day; That I can smile through my tears. And if there was ever a sad day in my life, If anybody ever hurt me deep. I want to reveal a secret today. That I am not that strong. That I am not that happy. That I am human too. And I too deserve a chance to cry. And I too need someone to love. And someone who accepts me for who I am. Just because I smile- It does not mean I am happy, It does not mean that I am not hurt, It does not mean that I don’t care, And it doesn’t mean that I have given in. It simply means that I am keeping mum so that you can be happier Than I am this day, But don't take me for granted; And don't break my heart. Because my strength comes from within. Sometimes, I need someone to hold me through the night. Sometimes I too need a shoulder to cry on. A hug of encouragement for me to continue being your pillar of strength and joy. That I too am human. And I need concern love and encouragement. But where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I felt blue? Where were you when I needed love? I’ll tell u where u were- You were in his room talking to him, Telling him that it’s all my fault. Plotting how to hurt me deeper. You’d realize that I don't need to be in a good mood daily; I am not obligated to smile and wish you a good morning daily. I do not owe you smiles and encouragement; But I do it. Cos I want you to be merry; And I want you to live a happy day. Be honest and ask yourself- If you have ever truly loved me for whom I am, Accepted me for all my flaws, And why is it that when I do so much, All you do is to break my spirit and hurt me. All you do is insult and put me down. Now I wonder if I have been too strong- If its time to let my guards down. That I should just cry and reveal all that I have done stealthily for you, If my strength does prevents me from being accessible, If I have reached the end of my tolerance? And I might just surrender to the wilderness; And give up being your source of sunshine. Perhaps then, You will know that I have tried. And you will learn to appreciate my presence- And then begin to love and accept me For whom I am and what I am. Cadence V. Leigh