rant

so i sit here pounding out another string of possibly senseless words wondering if it means anything to anyone else wondering if it will ever mean something beyond what it means now and if so why the evolution of these wondering, wandering words that spill across the page in torrents of raw ill expressed emotion that is more clearly formed by impressions and colours motions dancing and coursing through my brain than by the few meagre words that i can use to try to express them though words i must craft an identity with which to describe myself though words i must try to tell the world just what or who the hell i am and all words are innadequate for said purposes really what am i? who am i? i am not just a job, a label slapped on me for easy categorical reference somedays i cant even answer my own question somedays i dont know what or who i can say i am and those days those days where light is blindingly unfriendly and dark is as comforting as was the embrace of once remembered love those are the days when everything starts to swirl to the surface the days whey things are dredged up that were hidden in the murk and the muck of the mind, under the silt hiding tucked away they come up the walls of the waterfront strain and stress as the barrage of memories pours forward and i have to try to brace it over and over again with work with activities going numb going mad slowly or quickly, pick your poison hopefully someday someone will come someone the someone who will help those floodgates to part who will free the spirit just a little more let it love let it be whole melted melded coming preferably sooner than later its been a while a long while since emotion was acceptable on its deepest level to show to anyone for now, it stays bottled up sealed except very late at night to those who are willing to listen even for a little while