My ears hurt 
They've been working overtime hearing people out
My head hurts 
Its been working overtime thinking
My heart hurts 
Its been working overtime hurting 
My eyes hurt
They've been working overtime tear-ing up 
My soul hurts 
Its been working overtime searching God
My conscience hurts
Its been working overtime guilting me
My rationale hurts
Its been working overtime understanding things
My absurdity hurts
Its been working overtime Lashing out for no reason
 
People-
They watch me everyday, judging me, expecting of me, waiting
for me to slip up 
They place me up on a pedestal 
For being the good girl, for being the smart kid 
Suffocating me with the pillow of their expectations 
Affectiionate proud eyes, Cold selfish hands 
The warmth draws me in, the force chokes the life out of me

 
Day and night, day in day out 
i work, i toil 
to stand by them, to be there for them 
To do the right thing, to stand by my ideals unwavered
But its just not working out 
 
Back to grade 5 
I'm begging for life to ease up 
Im professing that i dont understand anymore 
Like my teacher back then, they smirk at me 
They declare i cant be lost, im the smart kid. the good girl
..i KNOW the right thing to do 
 
They dump their crap into me 
And like a river i try to carry away as much as i can 
Take away the pain, the anger, the sorrow - cuz im a
princess who makes it all better
I do a good job, and they love me for it 
But into you, i then bring all that crap 
And like the limitless ocean 
You gather all "my" crap into your arms and hold me together

Into you everything is engulfed.
 
they are my karma battlefield
you are my charioteer
They are my test
You are my pen 
In their eyes are expectations for me
Your eyes see all my vulnerabilities
They see me as angelic, as an ideal daughter as an ideal
friend as a trustworthy confidante 
You see me as a tired little girl with too many ppl to care
for, who needs to be pampered. loved and spoiled 
 
He's just ambitious 
She's just a kid 
They're just going through a phase 
He's just stubborn 
You know what he/she REALLY meant in saying that 
Everyone gets an excuse - but im not allowed one 
I'm not allowed to lash out, I'm not allowed to be
unreasonable 
I cant be a bitch, I cant be hurt, I cant be wrong, I cant
be confused 
No excuses for you missy, If you slip up - there'll be no
understanding, only disappointment
 
Every night 
A few tears 
A few thoughts 
And then i close my eyes 
It's my turn now 
my turn to dream 
I may not be allowed excuses
But even I'm allowed to dream 
And so, i dream of you 
Your warm unconditional eyes 
Your strong loving arms 
 
Everyone comes to me 
And i come to you 
In you i find peace
Finally validation, finally acceptance 
in you - i am liberated
 
My blanket 
You keep me warm when the world turns me cold 
You shelter me from the rain of doubt 
You keep me safe from scorching light, cuz u know ur little
weirdo likes the darkness more 
They say Im a dreamer 
But i know you'll come fer me 
He's said he'll send you for me 
And he's never lied to me 
So I'll wait ..for my blanket i will wait 
 
O i know you wont be perfect
n i know i'll get on your nerves every once in a while 
But i know why you're you X 
Cuz You'll read me like a book ! 
See all my life i've been explaining myself to people over n
over n over 
Even if i spell my needs out 
Nobody gets it! 
And now i get why 
Cuz they're not you 
That's how i'll know you're you 
Maybe i'll confuse some people to be you on the way 
But when it really is you, i know that I'll know a
gazillion% sure
I'll search for you ..I'll wait for you 
I know you prolly think of me too 
Its all His fault 
He's keeping us apart - i dunno why 
Maybe we need to grow, to be perfect for each other 
For you I'll wait 
For you I'll grow 
 
And to you i'll surrender my ears, my head, my heart, my
eyes, my conscience, my rationale, my absurdity, my soul -
my all 
And when i close my eyes 
That one last time 
I hope i'll be in ur sturdy arms 
Looking at you 
Smiling at us 
A lifetime lived together 
Tests, memories, precious moments - of love, of
togetherness, of parenthood, of success - lived together 
to have had your love, to have had your touch, to have had
you - the one thing that mattered most  
And then I'll retire back to Him
Proud to have lived by my ideals
Thankful for having lived it with you 
Sincere in having done for you all that you did for me 
I'll go back to him 
You know I'll wanna go first - I dont wanna live here
without you 
and as i leave, you'll smile ..smile at having spoilt me one
last time 
I'd have left you alone, but i was always allowed to be
selfish with you 
 
God's pure love for me sent in your form 
All for me, not for sharing 
Undisturbed by selfishness 
Unconditional, free of incongruity 
For you I'll wait 
For my blanket ..i'll wait